Lol @ Paolini

"I need to get my book published" "Your MOM Published your book" "Yeah so?"

GOOD Reviews:

There are fools alive, iwis, silvered o'er, as was this , May 19, 2006

Reviewer:

TISHLLUB (ANYWHERE AND NOWHERE) - See all my reviews

That was the first thought that popped into my head after reading this monstrosity. I really have only myself to blame. I had read so many reviews saying how boring, derivative, and pointless this book was, that I thought I would read this book out of a morbid curiosity. Even reading a casual summary of the plot will reveal that it is a complete rip off of Star Wars. Brom is Obi Wan Kenobi, Eragon is Luke Skywalker, his dragon is R2D2, and Arya is Princess Leia. What was not ripped off of Star Wars was ripped off from the Lord of the Rings, Dragon Riders of Pern, and/or A Wizard of Earthsea. The only reason so many people love this book is for the same reason that people love McDonalds hamburgers: neither group has tasted the real thing. Those looking for GOOD young adult fantasy books should read The Farsala Trilogy, and/or Goblin Wood, both by Hilari Bell, or the Bartamaeus Trilogy, by Jonathan Stroud. Those who want to read a good heroic story should read Redwall books, by Brian Jacques. The plot itself was boring, and devoted half its length to travel and exposition. For those who say it's good for a fifteen year old, guesss what? Paolini was nineteen when he finished writing it, and is now twenty-two. Many otherr young autors start writing at 15 or younger. The only reason this book got published was because his parents owned their own publishing company, and Paolini, who had graduated from school at 15, went touring the country, when an agent of Knopf picked it up an began an aggressive advertising campainge which portrayed him as a prodigy, while omitting the fact that he was 19. The fact that it was a #1 New York Times Bestseller doesn't make it great; it merely means that enough people were tricked into buying it. About the only good thing I gained from this experience was a new pronunciation for Arya Stark, who I had previously pronounced AR-YAH, or AIR-yah, but whom I can now pronounce as AR-ee-ah. That's from A Song of Ice and Fire, by George R.R. Martin, which is a truly great work of fantasy, although not suitable for kids.

--------------------------

I think I've read this before. , May 19, 2006

Reviewer: Reader BGP (Michigan, USA) - See all my reviews

Wow. I've never seen so much "borrowing" done. It's amazing!
In my opinion, this should not be allowed to happen, but evidently I must be in the minority. Perhaps most people are not so well read as I and think that this book is in some way original. In my opinion, it is in no way original. There are borrowings from every major work of fantasy and most minor ones. It's really distracting as you attempt to read. This is one of the few books that I have started and could just not continue with. It was truely horrid. Wonderful beginners work, I guess and great for a seventeen year old, but why publish it?

--------------------------------

There are fools alive, iwis, silvered o'er, as was this , May 19, 2006

Reviewer: TISHLLUB (ANYWHERE AND NOWHERE) - See all my reviews

Alas, Alagaesia! I did love thee, once . . ., May 7, 2006
Reviewer: C. MCCALLISTER "da_dolphin_boy" (The waters of the Great Lakes) - See all my reviews

Well, that's a bit melodramatic, but you get my drift.

"Eldest" is the second book of the "Inheritance" series, and is a sequel to "Eragon". In "Eragon," we meet the title character, a fifteen-year-old boy, being raised by his uncle in a rural area (but his name isn't "Luke"). Eragon happens to find a dragon's egg, and a beautiful, blue dragon hatches, and chooses him as her Rider (but this is not Pern). The egg had been magically hidden by a beautiful Elven princess, Arya (not Arwen), just before the servants of the evil king Galbatorix (not Sauron) catch her and imprison her. Eragon does his best to care for the young dragon, but the king's men come and burn down his home, and kill his uncle (whose name isn't "Owen"). Eragon leaves his home village, to draw the king's men away, with an old story-teller, Brom (not "Obi-Wan") who is really a dragon Rider in retirement (and never was a Jedi Knight). Eragon makes many friends, and ends up living in a stronghold of those who oppose the Empire, er, I mean the King.

Now, on to "Eldest," which starts off right after the huge battle that ended at the end of "Eragon," and during which Eragon defeated the evil Shade, but was also wounded most grievously. Eragon is recovering, and the Varden (think "rebel fleet" without spaceships) are trying to regroup, but one last attack by the Urgals (think Uruk'Hai, but bigger) leaves the king of the Varden dead. His daughter, who is named "Nasuada" instead of "Leia", takes command, Eragon tries to form alliances with all the factions, and then sets off to finish his training as a Dragonrider, with the elves. He is accompanied by Arwen and Gimli -- no! wait a minute! -- by Arya and Orik the dwarf. They travel through the dwarf kingdom, Eragon finds allies and enemies, they cross the desert, they enter Du Weldevarden (the great forest where the elves, led by Queen Islanzadi, instead of Galadriel, live), to meet his trainer/teacher.

Yada yada yada, blah, blah, blah. There was more, but nothing interesting, or anything even equally uninteresting, but only more uninteresting. Really.

Christopher Paolini's first book, "Eragon," was highly derivative and unoriginal, but I still liked it. I especially liked the one original character, the werecat Solembum.

In "Eldest," there is no originality, and there is very little action. As soon as I saw the book, I knew I was in trouble (or it was), as it is twice as big as its predecessor. "Eldest" is bloated, inflated, and laden with endless descriptions of characters, characters' dress, facial gestures, buildings, languages, customs, rituals, history, traditions, and other minutiae. Nothing happens.

Also, someone must have suggested to Mr. Paolini that he should beef up his vocabulary. His response appears to have been to ingest a thesaurus whole and, like some nauseated seagull, regurgitate indigestible words in a rather random fashion.

I'm not done! The characters have almost all been flattened by steamrollers, leaving totally one-dimensional cardboard cut-outs of archetypes and stock fantasy-epic-story generics. Only Roran, Eragon's love-struck but heroic cousin, comes off as a real person. No one else is likable, realistic, or interesting.

Well, now I might be done. I sold my copies of "Eragon" and "Eldest," with the money going to charity. In this way, those books will accomplish some good for someone. I hope that Eragon, Saphira the dragon, and their friends can go on without me. If they can't, too bad.

----------------------- Yikes, April 29, 2006
Reviewer: Steven Shaw "Book & Movie Fan, Amateur Fiction Writer" (Fond du Lac, Wisconsin United States) - See all my reviews

No editor, and cookie cutter style. This is a book that is better used as fire starter. If anyone doesn't believe me, please browse a chapter first at your local bookstore. You will thank me that you didn't waste your cash. A third book is sure to hit the stands as it is selling, but Christopher Paolini will probably be retiring soon with his cash and going into hiding.
------------------------

Eldest, May 10, 2006
Reviewer: Johann "Ji0n" (USA) - See all my reviews
In contrast with Paolini's first book, Eragon, Eldest is in the mediocre category. I found Roran's part very boring, and I skipped most of them. Roran's part had no connection to the plot of this book. It was just there to mislead the reader to believe that he would eventually betray Eragon. That USUALLY clever Modus Operandi in the book was quite obvious in the beginning. If you want suspense, try reading the Queen of Crime, Agatha Christie. She meticulously gives all the clues, yet never lets the reader know who did the crime.

Paolini lost his spark, and took a spin toward the more monotonous side of writing. He also added some green-minded passages in the book. "This is an easy way to lose your manhood," is one of them. If that were meant to be funny, he could at least have written that in a more subtle way. The romance between Eragon and Arya was overrrated, and quite childish. "Why are you so cruel?" is a statement showing the lack of experience of Eragon. He had the opportunity to make a famous quote, but he blew it. There are many other bad things to mention, but I'm in school right now. I might add another review later.

In conclusion, Eldest was disappointing. The emotions were all mixed up, and the mood was ridiculous. The only parts enjoyable enough to mention were the parts of Solembum, Angela, and the usage of magic. The battle could have been put in better, though. Paolini could do MUCH better than that.

"Daddy drinks because paolini writes"

Garbage written by a teenager is still garbage, April 28, 2006
Reviewer: Joe Williams (Plano, Texas) - See all my reviews
If this book had not had a gimmick of coming from a kid, it would have been thrown on the scrap heap at any publisher and recycled. Which it should have been. This is a really terrible piece of fan fiction, and the fact that it has gotten the attention it has is a complete sin. When I first heard that a teenager had written it, I wondered if he might have had help from his parents. Now that I've seen it, I can only hope he didn't, because that means there are even more bad writers in the world than just him.

Oh my GOD I'm dying! a.k.a. Use the force, Christopher! , April 22, 2006
Reviewer: Rockey Mountain (the Netherlands) - See all my reviews
Age is no excuse for crime.
Parents should protect their children.
You should use critizism to your advantage.
Something very smelly smells better than Eragon's I'm-so-perfect-and-everyone-agrees-stuff.
A scar on your back doesn't mean you're crippled and the world is ending.

That's the five rules of life and I stick to it.
Hated it, April 21, 2006
Reviewer: Elizabeth (Boston, MA, US) - See all my reviews
I am a high school sophomore and I tried reading Eragon this year after many of my friends highly recommended it, and one asked to borrow the copy my parents had given me much earlier. Despite the praise, I was sorely disappointed.
Any time spent reading Eragon is time better spent doing almost anything else. The flaws in it are characterized by the fact that it was written by a teenage boy. The writing, for example, in additional to being horrid, puts on tremendous airs [like teenage boys, often]; the text is littered with questionable usages of large, obscure words. The passages in which Paolini tries to give his book some deeper meaning are painful to read, because of the irrelevance and, frankly, the stupidity of the "moral issues" he tries to address; it is clear that some passages were inserted solely for the purpose of trying to make the book "deep" (unsuccessfully). As people have said, every character, every situation, and every aspect of the book are copied inexpertly from existing, exponentially better works of fantasy/science fiction. His 'acknowledgements' at the end were irritatingly insolent, with the author thanking everyone he knew and who helped him publish his book, even thanking his characters, and specifically neglecting to acknowledge all of the plot twists, characters, settings, and other ideas, blatantly stolen from more experienced fantasy authors. Everything the author tries to imitate is seen in Eragon in despicable, half-hearted shadow. The languages Paolini creates are clearly a gimmick to amuse Tolkein fans, not created out of a genuine love of linguistics as were those of the latter master author.
At times the plot was action-packed enough to keep one engrossed in reading, but that was just frustrating to me, since it obligated me to keep reading this awful book in order to find out what happened. Looking back on it, however, all of the characters were so bland and distant that it's hard for me to believe that I actually cared what happened to them.
Still, I would not even recommend the book to people who would only care about the plot. The plot of the book was not worth the time spent reading 500 pages. The storyline had a consistent, irritating pattern: the heroes would have a problem, they would spend a while trying to come up with a solution, eventually some sort of solution would suddenly appear out of nowhere, the characters would travel for a while until they met another problem and the same thing happened. Despite this annoying suddenness of the solutions, the problems were equally annoyingly foreshadowed, making half the plot boringly predictable, while the other half was confusingly random. Sometimes it seemed like maybe the story had made more sense when it was in the author's head. At risk of appearing harsh, I say, the author's head is probably where this story should have stayed, until he matured in writing and otherwise.
Lots of Hype, Little Subtance, April 2, 2006
Reviewer: Fantasy Writer "Nami" (Vegas) - See all my reviews
There are two ways to make a best seller novel. First one is this: It is good, people tell its good, and then it gets alot of attention and fans. This is the way for Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, it was a good novel with an amazing plotline.
Eragon, by Christopher Paolini uses the different approach.
Hype. Lots of Hype. For it was self published, for it was written by a teenager. It's obvious it was self published. It was written badly and there was alot of errors. The plot was copied, I doubt anyone wanted to publish it.
'And wow, it's written by a teenager'. That doesn't mean it will be amazing. I'd like to see what Paloni publishes in a few years, but right now I'm edging away from Eragon and its sequel.

why this book is so popular, I will never know, March 29, 2006
Reviewer: Stellaluna (USA) - See all my reviews
Eragon has been hailed as an epic story written by a teenage prodigy, but few seem to realize the sad truth about this book and its sequel. There is barely any original plot or characters in this entire series, and it very much lacks in writing talent and ability. If it had been written by, oh say, a middle aged person who had experience in the writing field, it would have never been published. The author simply takes chunks from other, better stories such as the popular Lord of the Rings trilogy, Earthsea, the Dragon Riders of Pern, and Starwars, and pretends they are his own ideas. I highly recomend you skip this book and look for something with a little more taste.

I was a mere 4 years old when I started writing i mean writing eragon

Mr. Paolini, no hard feelings. Hehe..., March 25, 2006
Reviewer: Fireheart (Orinda, CA) - See all my reviews
To tell you the truth, I only bought this book because it had an awsome blue dragon on the cover. Boy, did I learn my lesson?!?!?! I cant say that I finished the book, so I shouldnt probably be writing this review, but I can't help it. This was the worst book I've ever had the extreme displeasure of reading. Dont get this book. Its a waste of money (yeah, a lot of money too: 20 bucks, thanks a lot!). I HATE THIS BOOK!! So save yourself some money, do yourself a favor, and DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK!
There's worse fantasy out there, I just haven't read it., March 19, 2006
Reviewer: Fantasy Fanboy Fool "A Song of Ice and Fire" (Texas) - See all my reviews
Eragon by Christopher Paolini was, in my opinion, an artistic failure. To begin with, the plot is as follows, briefed, of course: A boy on the verge of growing into a man discovers something thing will forever change his life: a dragon. (Slight Spoilers) However, when he loses his uncle, our hero vowes to take up revenge. Assisting him is a shady storyteller who knows more than he reveals.

Such a plot has been overdone, to put it nicely. Without any orignality, this book simply fails. The prose is not good (lots of telling, incorrect word usage, sentence blunders, uneeded descriptions, overdosed adverbs, and lack of reality). If this were Tolkien, I would have rethought even touching Fantasy ever again.

It seems to me that those who read this book and enjoy it are teenagers who haven't tasted Fantasy, or if they have, it's been through video games and movies such as LOTR the movies and/or Final Fantasy. If you are included in that group, then by all means, you might just love this book and admire Mr. Paolini for doing what he did: creating an "epic".

However, I don't find anything "epic". The world is dull and a complete rip from Tolkien, more so than any other Tolkenesque world I've run across. The storyline is straight from Star Wars, no denying it. The plot is linear, making me feel like the ripped-off world is really alive. While Eragon and Brom are off, I feel as if the entire world is just standing still, waiting to be graced by the presence of our hero(s).

I'm troubled by the fact a literature teacher found this as excellent. Shakespeare and Homer lost their places in the classroom, perhaps?

If you are a fan of fantasy and have been reading for many years, or even if you've just started and enjoy class literature, may I direct you to George Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire, R. S. Bakker's The Prince of Nothing, Steven Erikson's Malazan, the Fallen, Madaline Howard's The Hidden Stars, or (for those who like to be bold) Mervyn Peake's Gormenghast? Those series have brought me great pleasure. I'm sorry, Mr. Paolini, but I'll take either Tyrion, Steerpike, Frodo, Whiskeyjack, or Prince Raun over Eragon, book and character.
Imitation bodes ill for thesaurus wielding teen author, March 18, 2006
A Kid's Review
First off, I want to say that I am slightly biased. I worship J.R.R. Tolkien and his epic, beautiful, lyrical works. I also respect other writers such as David Eddings, J.K. Rowling, and Ursula Leguin. So maybe my preferences led me to a book with a gorgeous blue dragon that looked distinctly human on the cover. When I first happened upon Eragon, I had no idea who the author was (or, shall I say, how OLD he was) and I had never heard of it before (ignorance is bliss). So when I picked it up, I read the first couple of pages, and I was a lost cause. Though there are many factors that contribute to Eragon's failings as a fantasy novel (or a novel in general), the two most blatant are writing using a photocopier and writing without the skill to do so. I admire Christopher Paolini so much because he has sufficient firmness to go on with such an epic (the task, not the result) task till the end. But the admiration ends there. I don't think that his age should excuse the pomposity and dullness of his language and overall lack of technical skill. He has a real knack for taking a whole lot of SAT level vocab, putting it together, and making it mean NOTHING AT ALL. How's this for an example... "May thee who enter here forget thine impermanence and that which is beloved"; this is an inscription on the citadel of Dras-Leona, and I still can't grasp it. There is just something so superficial and fake about CP's writing style that I know for sure his novel is popular only because of the intricate plot rather than a sublime and beautiful mastery of the English language. Though he graduated at 15, I guess he didn't take Creative Writing 101. My next pet peeve is a fairly common one, and it is that there is not one ounce of originality in Eragon. I won't bore you with all the sordid details, but don't expect anything new, and don't expect anything great from Eragon. At best, it is a mildly interesting, simplistic novel that that will deliver you from extreme boredom. At worst, it is a poor attempt by an adoring fan to emulate those who are far, far greater than he. Maybe later, CP, but for now, you aren't fit to wipe Tolkien's shoes. SHAME ON YOU! holy crap, March 17, 2006
Reviewer: okiedokiesmokeyboy "wowza" (MN, USA) - See all my reviews
This is one of the worst books i have ever read. I know the author is young(i'm still younger than him tho, but my god, the writing in this novel is disgusting. I almost threw up reading it, i seriously did. Maybe it's just because i'm used to the writings of Tolkien and George R.R. Martin, but this guy really needs to learn how to write. Hopefully he'll get better and at least become as competant as Robert Jordan, but that still isn't anything to brag about.
Worst book ever, March 12, 2006
Reviewer: Lisa Gray (Charleston, NC USA) - See all my reviews
Awful doesn't begin to cover it. An avid reader, I've read 80 books already this year. I've been a fantasy reader for 40 years, and I've read almost every fantasy book ever written. I can't believe I was suckered into buying this by the glowing reviews. Originally this was self-published, and there's a reason for it. "Eragon" is the worst book ever written, even if you count "Eldest" which brings fantasy to a new low. This book is filled with awkword phrases, bad dialogue, and muddled plots. Why in the world anyone would write a review of this book I don't know. It's really that bad.
If someone bought me this book i'd return it... TWICE!

Featured Review

Honestly... Big problem., May 10, 2006

Reviewer:

D - See all my reviews

First off, I would give this book zero stars if possible. But, as I can only give it one, I guess I'll tell you why.

First off, the plot line is ripped out from a number of books, with similarities to Dragon Riders of Pern, Lord of the Rings, and a number more.

Second, his discribing skills are... Lacking. All of his chapters (Except for the first three, he redid those ones) had set ups similar to this: Setting discription, action in setting, put characters into the setting then to add in more action.

Third, the urgals, are amazing like J. R. Tolkien's little demon things. You see, the reason why he tacked on horns and a few other things was to evade the fact that he would be sued if he didn't.

Forth, the Elves languages are nearly exactly the same to the Lord of the Rings once again, while where the elfs came from is exactly the same (they came on silver ships from the east.), and then the same with the dwarfs.

Fifth, the book's discription is terrible. There was something in there that was pretty much like this: The urgal ran towards Eragon, then froze in time so the author could explain how it looked. (Note, the last part was in the book, but it's how the urgal acted pretty much.)

Sixth, the plot is predictable. Every 'twist' there is not a surprise, but another dismal fact that it's so much like other books that if you didn't read this book, you'ld still knew what was going on.

Seventh, he literally stripped some names from Lord of the Rings and altered them slightly and/or he added these: ' and kept all the lettering order in the same order.

Other reasons, (Spoiler alert.) my sister and I were reading the books for this triligy, and I told my sister that Eragon had a brother. Instantly, my sister knew who it was and then cursed that the author, and I have a feeling that the ending will be like this: ZOMG! Eragon won! *gasp* It was so hard! But everyone knew he could! Ta-da! He didn't have to kill his brother! He still has a crush on a princess elf! But she won't love him back! ZOMG!

I think that this book go waaaay to much credit for being 'original' or 'creative'. To say it bluntly, it's not. It's pathetic and sad.

-De.

PS: Doesn't matter how big the book is, it depends on how well written and orignal it is.

More reviews coming soon!

"I can't wait for the Eragon movie! Badly made orcs make me horny!"